Day 112 February 23 2014: Another round...

My bones are breaking out of my skin, so little so I can't hold them in
I'm a GIANT trapped inside a small shell, an angel caged in a personal hell.
I drink to sleep and wake to drink, my mind is always running but I can never think
Times are old and yet times they change, why must I be so strange?


I am a moon and my dark side remains hidden.

I wanna be a good liver...not have one.

Day 111 February 22 2014: Permanently imprinted

The gaps in my timeline are the spaces I left to fill with the memories we can make.
The morning coffee tastes best when it's shared.
The beauty of your eyes need to see the beauty reflected in mine.
The cold nights need to be warmer by two bodies instead of one.
The warmth of your face needs to feel the beat of my heart as it lays on my chest.
The cold of your feet need to tickle the warmth of mine.
The spaces between my fingers need to be filled.
The scent of you needs to be permanently imprinted on my pillows, clothes, bed, and memory.

The person you label as your first love never really is, the one who really is makes you realize you put that title on the wrong person.

My first love will be my last love, my last love will be my lasting love.

Day 110 February 21 2014: Love from Jason

Dear diary, Today was a good day.

The fire was burning and I sat next to it trying to get warm, the moon light up the sky and everything below it so I could see clearly over the lake. I sat there listening to the logs crack and pop as they charred in the flame, I could hear little crickets rubbing there legs together like a violinist playing just for me, I smelled the smoke and tasted the air. Tonight would be a good night.

I sat on the stump I turned into a chair and thought of my mother, how sweet she was when I was younger, how she pushed me to be better at everything I do, how much she cared for me when others didn't. She was really one of a kind.
I just ate my dinner which was something I found in the forest and promptly cooked up over my open fire pit, I was happy I knew how to do that. So many kids these days don't know how to make a good meal out of something you find just hanging out in the woods. I like hunting everything.

As I laid on my sleeping mat looking up at the burning balls of gas millions and billions of miles away I thought to myself about what I could've been in life, maybe I could've been a big shot CEO or maybe a professional football player, but then again those were never for me. I laid there with no blanket but I basked in the light that was reflecting off that lovely moon. My beautiful Bella Luna.

I tried to get some sleep because I had to be up soon, being me is hard work and I'm not much for running around. The only thing that ever was running was my mind, not even my mouth would ever be running. I hate running, I find it pointless.

When I awoke from my little nap I brushed my eyes, grabbed my mask, grab my tool, and headed off to do what I do best, time to kill some campers.

Until next time diary, Jason Voorhees will remain forever looking to my Bella Luna.

"Killing time" can have two meanings.

Day 109 February 20 2014: Skipped beats

Life is measured in heart beats.

The moments where your heart skips beats are the most precious times.

Thanks for making mine skip a few.

Day 108 February 19 2014: My comforter

My bed still smells like you.
I keep finding your hair all over the place.
I  sleep on my side waiting to wake with you on yours, my dreams should be reality.
The spot on my bathroom countertop where your toothbrush sit now lays empty.
I hate washing only one wine glass.
I wanna light my candles, but you're the only flame I care about.
I don't wanna fold my own laundry.
I dislike waking up alone.
There is a comfort that comes from you, my blanket does no good.
I sleep more soundly with you.
My brain relaxes while my heart goes crazy.
You can make my heart beat fast, you can also make it skip beats too.

I like the way you smell.
You are my real comforter and I wanna wrap myself up in you.

Day 107 February 18 2014: Goodbyes last forever...

I stood behind the silence of the curtain, all those tears that hit the floor echoed louder than a shotgun in a closed room. I smelled the scent of anesthetic and sadness as it lingered in the air, it was so thick you could chew though it.

We stood there watching you die, we all just stood there watching every bit of life drain from you.

I could smell the death hanging over the room, it smelled like old burritos and a depth of sadness felt from a one night stand.

"Hold my hand."

"I don't wanna let go when it's over."

I saw the light slip from the eyes that captivated mine more than anything I've even seen in my life.

I stood there watching you die and all I could do was hold a cold hand wrapped in a sad sweat.

I watch an IV drip slowly take you away from me, I stood there watching your face droop and listened to your speech slur as the LCD just took you further and further from me.

"She's slipping away sir, she's going to a better place."

I've never liked that saying.

That "Better place" is bullshit...nothing happens for a fucking reason.

I've always thought the best place you could be was in my arms.

God is cruel for taking you from my arms.

I stood waiting in a waiting room that felt like I was waiting for something I never wanted to wait for.

For fucks sake, who waits for this? I never once thought I'd be waiting for a burial right.

I heard the last breath draw from those lungs that once drew breath and spoke the words, "I love you."

Death comes in a whisper.

I heard that machine stop beeping and I stopped breathing.

You just left me.

You just left me.

You just left me.

You just left me.

I stood there silent and hands from people that weren't you tried to comfort me...I hated it.

I couldn't breath...I couldn't fucking breath.

I spent the last few days waiting for you to pass when I should've spent the last few years enjoying what we had. I'm sorry I didn't know better, I'm sorry I got so mad,

 I'm sorry I yelled at you, and I'm sorry I made you cry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that you left and I never said goodbye...I wish I would've said goodbye.