Day 74 January 16 2014: More Pictures

I wish I had more pictures of you.
More pictures of us, together.

More captured memories of a time I've forgotten,
Often tear drenched moments,
Some sun filled exposures,
Many smiles to light my dreams.
Pictures didn't do you justice and my memories are doing you wrong.

I wish I had more pictures of you.
More pictures of us, together.

Each picture has faded,
More memory has dulled,
Every time I try to remember,
I find the negative exposures more often.
I wanna see the good, but bringing things to light destroys your image.

I wish I had more pictures of you.
More pictures of us, together.

I never got the right lens,
I always shut my eyes,
Making goofy faces,
While you always smiled.
At least thats how I remember it, but the pictures wouldn't lie.

I wish I had more pictures of you.
More pictures of us, together.

I was to foolish to snap a shot,
To dumb to relish the time together,
If I just put down the camera,
And grabbed the moment to hold it.
The faulty camera in my mind holds my old film, and you're the star.


Now I'm left with a shoebox of unexposed memories,
I'm afraid to see what I've left hidden,
I keep those pushed under the bed of my mind,
Its where my monsters live, and I'm too scared to look at them.

I just wish I had more pictures of you.
More pictures of us.
Together.

Blurred faces hold broken memories.

Image: Amalia Bussard scratches a negative
then paints it with ink to give it this look.

Day 73 January 15 2014: Best Friends

We stood there, brothers in arms, linked, minds sinked, melded
When you left, I felt it, I could just tell it, I melted.
I promised you I'd be there, but you died, I guess I lied, I gave you my word but I failed it.
"Best friends" above the rest, I felt it in my chest, that EGA was our crest.
You gave up more than I did with two to the chest.
Sand was our hell, you fell, and now I tell, the words you said best.
Bullets build friendships and they end them too, The friendship I built was the best, between me and you.

"I'll meet you over there."

A plane took you away but it was really a gun that did it, I was state side and felt nothing, well maybe just shit.
Your mom told me "thank you" but I wasn't there, I drank myself crazy, said it wasn't fair.
When the facts set in, it was more than I could bear, "Why would God do this?"
Thats when I knew he wasn't there.

"I've played in sandboxes before."

You were waiting for me to show, and I never came, would things have turned out the same?
Now theres a stone that bears your name, and I bear that shame.
A fire snuffed out, a hidden flame, another body a war could claim,
Maybe if I was there to set aim, but I feel like I'm the one to blame.

"We'll party hard when I get back."

You should've come back.
I should've been there.

Some of my best friends are the ones I can't talk to anymore.

Day 63 January 5 2014: Don't fall for anything

Don't fall for anything.
Not teacher, not peacher, not king, nor God.
All can lead astray and all can lie.

Especially don't fall for love.

It is the worst of all demons and it betrays the heart.

Day 72 January 14 2014: Broken mirror

Don't tell me you're not beautiful.

You've never seen you, you have only seen reflections and they don't do you justice.

A broken mirror is all you see when I see the whole picture.

Don't tell me you're not beautiful.

Day 71 January 13 2014: Burnt feelings

Dont stand in the wind, it will blow against your skin, but you won't feel the freeze.
Don't breath in the fumes, I'm burning away my feelings and you might catch some.
Don't look in my direction, I'm slumping over on myself from my broken back.

Don't offer any assistance, I won't take it because I don't want it.

Day 70 January 12 2014: Sound sleeper

Insistant insomnia plagues my nights, one idea versus the other in constant fights
Laying alone wrapped up for heat, cold air and warm skin will never meet
Fluffed up pillows to rest my head, the best place to find comfort is a bed
Stay awake too often wondering if i'm insane, I need to find the off switch for my brain
It runs faster than Usain Bolt, irrational thoughts give it the jolt
Electric currents wrapped around my synapses, with current thoughts of "Whats going to happen?"
I try to dream and paint with my imagination, I make a landscape of a far off destination
Staying in bed is how I spend my day, hoping that the waking world would just go away


I can't chase my thoughts anymore, they run faster than it seems
I'll sleep more soundly on a bed, built with someone else's dreams.

Insomnia talks to me like a woman as it says,"I can't sleep with you."

Insomnia is so last night.

Day 68 January 10 2014: Ideas are powerful

She stood wrapped in smoke almost invisible and as the ash fell on her,
Her voice became louder, the sirens and screams quieted.
She stood there as a ghost hidden in the haze yelling "REVOLUTION! REVOLUTION! REVOLUTION!"
One loud bang and her voice was silent.
No longer a ghost in the haze, no longer a silhouette in the chaos, no longer no longer.
She became the spirit of change and the debris fell on her 'revolution' that now lay sprayed across the streets.

Ideas are powerful things that the people in power will bridle if given the chance.

Day 69 January 11 2014: Give your T.V. The remote

Television confines and wraps minds into little products producing what producers say is hip, and if you take a trip in my mind and you'll find a land to disband the wires from the liars that babysit your kids.
"Sit down! Shut up! Watch the Disney channel!" As they channel into kids brains they're strained from the world outside, and then confined.
Encampments of little byproducts of a T.V. age.

Video games depict a life worth living, a love not given, and yet you pop on the box kick off your socks and get stoned, sit in your room alone and later you'll beg to be forgiven.
Advertisers advertise to demonize and penalize closed eyes and open minds, free thinking is a ship thats sinking, breath thats stinking, but it keeps whispering in your ear, "Have you not been watching the news? The rest of the world is to fear."
Propoganda propagates and infiltrates and then eliminates any thought that you had on your own, stuck at home, on your phone, all alone. But its okay because you got the T.V. and what else do you need to own?

"Look at this war...Watch this tragedy..." They make the world seem awful for you and me, but the kids get stuck into an MTV brain, they get told they're insane and given pills to make them better but thats the trick because when they get sick trying to get better a new form of medication will be found in desperation for the depression you feel from watching your reality T.V. and being told its real.

Lies spread across the network like a sickness, a virus, a thickness that can't be trudge through, but its called true, blame it one someone but who? Cant blame you so you push it off on the other, the sisters brothers fathers and mothers of another nation and in this degradation is deformation of ones character like the character that tells you to just believe your mind can't conceive what you perceive to see as a truth and this is how we poison the youth.

And its all because of a box you bought and set on a pedestal and yes you have its remote but it is the one who is in control.

Day 67 January 9 2014:My loud mind

I spend my time, living in screens
I dance too slow, I have two left feet.
Pushing away the sunlight,  in search of dreams
When I'm awake I'm alone, when I sleep, we meet.

I
Just
Need
A quite place
For my loud mind.

Day 66 January 8 2014: I just might

Stop doing what your doing.

Stop saying what your saying.

Stop believing in what you believe in.

If you keep loving me I just might start myself.

If you keep telling me I'm wonderful I'll start to say it.

And If you don't stop believing in me, I just might start to believe in myself.

Day 65 January 7 2014: Erosion

Love is the water that creates the erosion that breaks away the stones I've placed in front of my heart.

Day 64 January 6 2014: My cigarette

Each breath I inhale from this cigarette I intake sends less toxic fumes to my heart than the love you gave me.

For a slow death from the cancer stick I know is bringing my end seems much better than the lies you've convinced me to be true.

A heart attack is much easier to take, than a heart break.

The fire from the ash burns brighter than the feelings that are left for you, they drift away with the wind, much like each bit of this cigarette that is flicked into the breeze.

As I enjoy it, it kills me a little more.

I find my cigarette akin to love...one just hurts less...and will kill more over time.

One is a cancerous devil and the other is my cigarette.

Day 62 January 4 2014: Why we can't have nice things

Why we can't have nice things:
Florida (Who doesn't wanna eat someones face?)
People who think the world is 6,000 years old
The Tea Party
People with confederate flag tattoos
War
People who fart in elevators
Fox "News"
People who believe in horoscopes (Because mars was just a little lower in the sky and you were born in March so you...should stop being an idiot.)
Arizona (Not all just most[although zero discrimination])
George W. Bush
Meth
Stand your ground
Florida (because if your gonna shoot a gun you better hit somebody)
Anyone who thinks their "Restless leg syndrome" is really a problem
People who got upset over that Coke ad
People who don't know that "America the beautiful" isn't our national anthem
Anyone who says "Why should I press 1 for english?!"
Florida (Puppeteers who want to cook and eat children)
Christians who don't act Christ like
Politicians
Miley Cyrus
People who say 'Merica
Crocs
Ugly babies
Those Kardashian things
Raves
War...again
The Tea Party (Michele Bachmann, need I say more?)
People who care more about Justin Bieber than about Venezuela or Ukraine
Florida (Letting your ten year old grandson get a tattoo sounds like a good idea)
Fat people (Fuck you fatty, I don't care)
Every girl wearing yoga pants with uggs, walking with their Starbucks, texting on their iPhone, and complaining that their life is a "struggle"
Every guy that immediately calls skins in a friendly basketball game, drugs a girls drink, grunts in the gym, thinks women are objects
Women who actually are nothing more than objects
Children who are having children
Bill O'Reilly
Identity theft
Thinking that being homosexual is a choice
Not realizing that your bigotry is a choice
Florida (Texting in a theater, not anymore)
Anyone who says they are "Country" but have never done anything country besides listen to shit music and wear some awful knock-off shit kickers
Lil Wayne
Sean Hannity
Hitler
War...seriously guys
The Tea Party (“If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways of shutting that whole thing down.” -Todd Akin)
Anyone who thinks America was founded as "A Christian Nation"
Modern rap
Modern "music"
The federal reserve
People who get shitty because someone smokes pot
People who think Obama is comparable to Hitler
Drone strikes
Girls who call themselves and their friends bitches
People who use the word Ratchet for any other meaning than as a tool (Stop destroying the English language)
Anyone who gets upset if you draw a goofy picture of their deity (Fuck you Mohammad)
SB 1062
Everyone who is going crazy over gun rights
Mitch McConnell
Men who hit women*, children, or animals
*Women who hit men and then think they aren't gonna get punched (hit me three times and I'm swinging)
Thinking Noahs ark was a real thing
Westboro Baptist Church
Having a two party system that fights more about being in a party than about actual politics
God (Any type of this creation God/Allah/Flying Spaghetti Monster)

And mostly, myself.
Sorry America, we all fucked it up.

Welcome to Rome!

Oh and fucking Florida (Why wouldn't you marry a ferris wheel named 'Bruce'?)

Day 61 January 3 2014: My small victory

I go to bed alone most nights, I work five nights a week, and in-between, I drink.
I know who I am and I'm comfortable with it.

There is a small victory in that.

Because when I discovered the beauty in myself
All the ugliness of the world meant nothing to me.

Day 60 January 2 2014: Don't do it

Don't fall in love with me,
You'll be the only tree left in a forrest and I'll cut you down,
And use your family to build my dreams.