Day 130 March 14 2014: Two flags

I stood there by myself, well, I guess I wasn't really alone, I was surrounded by my friends....just none of them knew I was there and I couldn't see any of them anymore.
I could hear the wind rush by and felt it touch my face, It wasn't as hot as it was when I last felt it touch my face, when it touched their faces, but that stinging cold it left on my face was kinda perfect in this moment.
I stood there with a backpack full of flags and mementos, I kept them all for my heros that no one remembers and yet everyone thanks me for being one...fuck that is annoying.
It means more today than any day but I know no one here will know it, but they all would be right there to high five us and tell us how glad they were for us.
I recall how much each person meant to me and how they saved me from being here with them, but one stood out more than the others, it hurt most to place both flags there for him.

I put one there to remember him as a hero for this country, it was the flag they buried him in.
I put one there to remember him as how I loved him, it is what they condemned him with.

Love is love is love.

I never loved a man more than I loved him and I'll never be able love anyone like that again, at least now I get the right to try.

"When I was in the military
they gave me a medal for killing two men
and discharged me for loving one."

Day 96: My empty garden

I can't touch the scars you have brother, they are hidden so no one sees them,
I can't see the pain you're covering up, you try to hide it but it's breaking through man.
I hate watching you self destruct, it's like watching someone drown themselves.
You aren't weak when you ask for help.

I wish you would've opened up more, I wish I would've listened to you,
You should've asked me for help, you should've said something.
There's a plot of ground I hate going to see, there is a piece of stone I can't stand looking at.
I've never found cemeteries inviting.

I don't know what was going on in your head, I just wish I was able to solve your problems,
They seemed to be piling up on you, and you looked crushed by them.
Depression is a silent killer to everyone else, but it was so loud to you.
I'm sorry your mind was screaming at you and you just stayed silent.

I feel like I'm missing the biggest piece to the puzzle of my life now, rest easy brother,
I'm glad you are no longer in pain, I just wish I knew that you were hurting.

My garden of friends is missing the brightest flower