Day 107 February 18 2014: Goodbyes last forever...

I stood behind the silence of the curtain, all those tears that hit the floor echoed louder than a shotgun in a closed room. I smelled the scent of anesthetic and sadness as it lingered in the air, it was so thick you could chew though it.

We stood there watching you die, we all just stood there watching every bit of life drain from you.

I could smell the death hanging over the room, it smelled like old burritos and a depth of sadness felt from a one night stand.

"Hold my hand."

"I don't wanna let go when it's over."

I saw the light slip from the eyes that captivated mine more than anything I've even seen in my life.

I stood there watching you die and all I could do was hold a cold hand wrapped in a sad sweat.

I watch an IV drip slowly take you away from me, I stood there watching your face droop and listened to your speech slur as the LCD just took you further and further from me.

"She's slipping away sir, she's going to a better place."

I've never liked that saying.

That "Better place" is bullshit...nothing happens for a fucking reason.

I've always thought the best place you could be was in my arms.

God is cruel for taking you from my arms.

I stood waiting in a waiting room that felt like I was waiting for something I never wanted to wait for.

For fucks sake, who waits for this? I never once thought I'd be waiting for a burial right.

I heard the last breath draw from those lungs that once drew breath and spoke the words, "I love you."

Death comes in a whisper.

I heard that machine stop beeping and I stopped breathing.

You just left me.

You just left me.

You just left me.

You just left me.

I stood there silent and hands from people that weren't you tried to comfort me...I hated it.

I couldn't breath...I couldn't fucking breath.

I spent the last few days waiting for you to pass when I should've spent the last few years enjoying what we had. I'm sorry I didn't know better, I'm sorry I got so mad,

 I'm sorry I yelled at you, and I'm sorry I made you cry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that you left and I never said goodbye...I wish I would've said goodbye.