Day 1: We got the news while building a porch swing. She dropped her hammer and started crying.
Day 14: We started looking at treatment centers and what options we had, she wouldn't stop crying and I wouldn't let myself start.
Day 27: She underwent her first round, she threw up in the car. "I'm sorry baby I just can't keep my food down, I feel so sick all the time now."
"It's okay I'll just make you some more until it settles."
Day 32: I bring her pink roses when I pick her up from the center. "Oh you didn't have to but I'm glad you did and of course they are pink."
Pink was her favorite color for as long as I can remember.
Day 40: Her hair is starting to get a little thin, I found some in the shower yesterday but I just cleaned it up and didn't say a word. She'll still look beautiful bald because it won't change that smile and eyes that I fell in love with.
Day 57: Too sick to work on our projects and the porch swing sits waiting.
Day 70: Bald is beautiful right?
Day 89: It has started to regress and we couldn't be more happy.
Day 102: Turn for the worse.
Day 115: She starting to stay more nights at the hospital just to be safe. She's losing weight and I'm losing sleep, my bed has never felt more empty.
Day 130: They told me today that they had to up the radiation to stop the spread, I was unsure but she said she didn't mind it. So we up'd it and I watched the color in her skin fade along with her weight.
Day 150: It's regressing again and they think its for good this time, she was smiling all day and so was I. The first almost decent night of sleep I've had in awhile.
Her enthusiasm was contagious, it made the room brighter, which was good because the hospital lights made everything look dull and dim.
"That is good because its looking awful just sitting in pieces, stop taking so long I've been waiting to finish it."
My sarcasm always made her smile.
Day 190: She gets to come home.
Day 198: We finish the building process and start the painting process.
"Paint it white. It will look cool when it chips and will look great next to the pink roses you're going to plant me."
"I'm planting you roses now?"
"Well yeah, because you love me so much."
So we start the project right where we left off at, but now I have roses to plant later.
Day 205: Regular check up and we are looking awesome.
Day 225: Looking better than last time and hair is coming back.
Day 240: Lunch with friends for the first time since she got sick, it was much needed.
Day 270: I'm making her dinner and I hear a thud from the dining room. Bloody nose and she's out cold.
Day 271: It's back and theres more than before.
"HOW DID YOU NOT SEE THIS BEFORE?!"
"Listen I know your upset but you need to keep your voi…"
"YOU ARE RIGHT I'M UPSET! I GOT THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS WORLD THAT MATTERS TO ME IN THE NEXT ROOM DYING AND YOUR ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONES SAVING HER AND YOU ARENT DOING YOUR JOB! GODDAMN RIGHT I'M UPSET!"
"Babe come here. Babe come here and save me yourself."
"Whats up dear? You okay? Is everything alright?
"Yeah, just calm down and sit with me."
"Well I just need…"
"You just need to calm down and sit with me right now. Let them do their thing and we'll do ours and right now thats sitting here."
Day 294: No luck in pushing it back again or killing it off. A brain tumor is harder to treat than we originally thought.
Day 318: It's doubled in size.
Day 330: I am spending more nights sleeping at the hospital.
Day 348: "You have everything in order correct?"
"Yeah but she's gonna make it, I'm not even thinking about that stuff right now."
"I understand, maybe you should start thinking about it a little later then."
Day 360: No sleep tonight, moans of pain keep us both awake.
Day 364: "It's almost midnight babe do you want me to get the nurse to give you some more pain meds so you can sleep?"
"No I'm fine just come lay with me."
I crawl into the bed and we just talked for a good twenty minutes or so just about our favorites things, how we almost got divorced a few years back, what we are gonna do when she gets back home.
She stops me mid sentence and says "Tell me how much you love me."
"What?"
"Tell me how much you love me. You have to do what I say, can't tell a dying girl no now can you?"
"Don't say stuff like that."
"Then tell me how much you love me." There was a little smirk on her face.
"You wanna know how much I love you?" She nods, that smirk getting bigger.
"I remember when I met you, I was on a blind date with that one girl with the really big nose, oh what was her name…"
"Janet." She lost the smirk and looked sternly at me. She didn't like Janet.
"Yeah thats right. I remember it was going awful because she was an awful person."
Smile returns.
"She was going on about something dull and boring and then you walked by and spilt your drink all over me when you tripped, I was so upset and started yelling until you looked up at me. That was the day I fell in love with you babe."
"You still didn't tell me how much though." Bigger smile.
"I'll love you from here to eternity, from now until forever, until the moon fades, until the stars burnout, I'll love you until the sun turns black."
She smiled and said "Well thats all I wanted to hear. Now get back in bed, I'm cold."
That was the first time either of us have slept comfortably in almost a year.
Day 365: The day the sun turned black.
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| She was right about the paint and the roses. Then again, she always was right. |
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