Day 131 March 15 2014: Sleep keeps me sane...sorta

I woke up and felt this heavy feeling on my chest like a elephant was standing on me, like a shot of morphine got put in my veins faster than it should have been.
I felt memories fading from what seemed realistic and slipping into a distant dream like something I hadn't really lived but maybe just something I've forgotten. That makes no sense but it is how I felt.
I could hear screams and laughter moving away from my ears, fading in a sad and pleasurable doppler effect but I wish it would end or get louder, I'm not sure which would be better.

I moved rapidly across the bed yelling something about nothing outloud for only me to hear, she moved and told me to calm down. How could I be calm? I had no idea who or what I was, what year it was, who killed who, where did I find the courage to go on, and when the fuck did I get in pajamas?

I laid back down and held her close. Who is she?

I feel like I'm living different lives everyday and when I fall asleep I wake up as someone else in a bed next to a stranger I've known for years with memories I have yet to remember of things I've never done before. Shit that sounds strange.

I'll keep writing it here in my logbook among the stars because everytime I step out into the cosmos it's a different trip and who knows when I'm coming back home...I wonder where home really is. I wonder if I'm just dreaming up this whole thing, maybe I'm just sleeping and when I wake up I'll be someone else.
I feel like that wouldn't change much, I don't even know who I am right now.

Fuck...I think I'll just go back to sleep.

I fall asleep to escape
but what if reality is the escape
 from my dreams?