"Everything happens for a reason." How much I fucking hate that saying, I tried to use it to justify why I sit here alone at night, why I don't wake up to your scent on my shoulder, why I don't find your hair in the shower, and why I am eating dinner alone.
"The Lord works in mysterious ways." That saying can eat a dick. I sat there looking at you in that box and that asshole on that cross in the same view, he did nothing to help you, he works in no ways, he has no hand in what happens, if he didn't die that day so long ago I'd kill him myself if given the chance. If it'd bring you back.
"She's in a better place now." Fuck you. She's not here, she's not with me, she's gone and I'm here alone surrounded by assholes. You are an asshole, you're better place can piss off. The best place she could be is here with me.
"She's at peace, she's home now." Say another word and we'll be at war. She was peaceful with me, you don't know shit about anything, she was happy with me, she was at home with me, she was everything to me. I'm nothing without her.
"I'll pray for you." I don't think talking to yourself is gonna make me feel better, but sure, if you wanna try then go ahead. I hope it's your last breath. I don't need to fucking hear about it because I don't care. Maybe you should've prayed harder earlier when it mattered, why do you think now it will make a difference?
"You'll see her again someday." No I won't, I will only see her in my dreams and memories, those will fade over time. I'll forget how she smelled, forget how she laughed, forget how she smiled, forget how she snored, forget how she felt, and I'll forget her. I'm so scared I'm gonna lose her a second time. The first one was hard enough.
I went through life not knowing what real happiness was until I found you, now I know what the deepest sadness feels like. I buried my heart with you that day and I don't know if anyone can live without a heart.
Fuck I miss you and I'd give anything to get you back, I don't think heaven exists but if it did you'd be there because you're an angel.
All I know is now that you're gone and I'm stuck living in hell and all the demons do is sling crappy cliches at me with well wishes attached to them.
Each beat of my heart hurts more than the last.
I wish it stopped beating when yours did.
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